My father is suffering from bone and lung cancer. He’s stage four.
Good Grief
We all know time with him is limited and that is sobering. I call him daily, travel to see him often, and together we check off items on his “bucket list.” We are making the most of each moment and sharing a lot of love. Yet I know the day will come when I will have to grieve his loss. The thought of that brings tears to my eyes and a lump to my throat even as I write.
Being a Pastor of a local church I both perform and attend numerous funerals. Over the years I have walked thousands through the pathways of grieving. And there are some things I have learned.
There are two sides to grieving…
*Letting go of what death has taken from us.
*Latching hold of what death can’t take away.
When a loved one dies, there are things lost. For our own emotional health these are things of which we must learn to let go. What are these things?
- The person’s immediate presence. We can’t call them on the phone, share a cup of coffee, or go for a walk. We will miss this.
- The person’s earthly future with us. We won’t be building new memories with them in the coming years. Future birthdays, graduations, weddings, and holidays will not be experienced together.
- Our dreams of how our lives would be shared with them. We have lived with expectations of how our future will be with this person in our lives. All this has changed and we must accept that our future will be lived out without them as a present living factor. We can sense their spirit, but they will not be physically with us.
When we sorrow over these losses we honor our loved one’s memory. We are professing that they meant something profound to us and that is why they are sorely missed.
But, we must also remember, that when a loved one dies, there are things that death cannot take away from us. These are the blessings that we get to keep. Death cannot rob us of them.
- Death can’t take away the memories. They are yours to keep as long as you live.
- Death can’t take away the love invested. The love invested made you who you are. The results of that love still shape your life.
- Death can’t take away the connection you experienced. That bond you shared you can still cherish.
- Death can’t take away the laughter. Those funny memories are still in your mind to replay and find yourself laughing again and again.
- Death can’t take away the lessons learned. The things you learned from your interaction with them are now a part of you. They live on.
- Death can’t take away the promises of God. For those redeemed in Christ, death is not the end. There is a glorious heavenly home. And for those left behind, there is God’s comforting presence…”Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me.” (Psalm 23:4, KJV)
No explanation of grief can take away the pain. But I find it encouraging viewing loss from the perspective that there are things that death cannot take away. Though we have lost the loved ones we miss, we realize we still have so many of the blessings that their living afforded us.
Question: What are things that you will always cherish about someone you have lost to death? You can leave a comment by clicking here.
